One of my finest talents is my ability to start projects and then abandon them. I’ve got a pretty impressive list going, actually. There was the collection of my best friend’s letters, the family tree, the workbook for blocked creatives, a board game, several pen pals, various novels I’d plotted out, and, of course, finding some way to get my music “out there”.
Which is to say nothing of the many “lifestyle” projects I’d undertaken: learning to prepare healthy foods, incorporating exercise into my daily routine, making over my spiritual life, creating a budget I could live with (and then living with it. Or rather, on it), increasing my work productivity…
And then, in a category all its own: the blogs. There’s this one (for tracking my attempts at self-improvement), an anonymous blog (where I can be honest about anything without fear of peer scrutiny), my website (technically album reviews, but still in need of regular updates), my vlog (for music and sketch-style blogs), and the only one on the list which is currently active: Tumblr.
That one probably shouldn’t count, though. It’s about 0.02% original content, and the rest is basically just Benedict Cumberbatch.
It’s been almost exactly six months since I last updated this blog, and while I’ve certainly made progress in some regards, in others, well… Quite often I didn’t update because I simply didn’t feel I had anything worth saying.
That and the laziness. Can’t forget the laziness.
My last post was about putting off weight worries until I could separate my weight from my self-esteem. The good news is I’ve actually done it! It’s not that I’ve given up all aspirations of getting back into my size 11’s, but rather that I no longer look in the mirror (even a full length mirror when I’m nekkid) and hate what I see. I no longer think I’m necessarily ugly just because I’m overweight. I no longer think that I am (or should be) less able to be loved simply because of my size. And that’s great. It’s fantastic, actually. I’m looking at myself in a way I never have before. I’m obese, and I’m also worthy, and the latter is in no way related to the former.
I also found a budget I could live with. I’ve had a few slip-ups and unexpected expenses, but I decreased my overall personal debt by 8% last year. I still have a long way to go, but that’s a solid improvement and I’m proud of it.
Perhaps most importantly, I realized I’m no longer crazy. I didn’t see it happening, and I didn’t realize how far I’d come, but a few months ago I sat down with my therapist and realized I’m not depressed. I’m not indefatigably pessimistic. I’m not full of self-loathing. I have healthy friendships. I’m able to fulfill the basic responsibilities of self-care. Granted, I still have issues, and I may well be on medication for the rest of my life, but as long as I keep going the way I have been, there’s nothing in my psychological profile that warrants concern. I am mentally well.
So with those three achievements in mind, I’m rebooting this blog. Actually, I’m rebooting a lot of things. In making my list for 2014, I’m keeping to a lot of themes (some of them verbatim) from previous years, but I’m also cutting the list way down. I’m hoping that by focusing on fewer things, I’ll have more energy to spend on each, and will be less intimidated by the list as a whole. I’m also setting small goal markers so that I can regularly check in and make sure I’m on track.
2014 (or see link here):
- Lose at least 100 lbs excess body fat.
- Stay on my biweekly budget and decrease my personal debt by at least 10%.
- Update *something* once a week (either this blog, the private one, my website, or YouTube).
- Stay spiritually active (attend church, study scripture, and get into a small group).
- Give up the snooze button.
- Practice juggling at least once a week.
- Attend eight London Writers’ Society meetings.
- Record ten songs.